So it seems that sodium deficiency sends you completely bonkers, as I found out during a recent visit to my local hospital and a brief stint in a coma.
Whilst recuperating from a visit to hospital for pneumonia, it seems I drank way too much filtered tap water and, in my weak state, developed a life threatening sodium and potassium deficiency, only to be found frozen in a seizure and rushed to intensive care.
As I slowly awakened from my vegetative state, I went into a delirium so extreme that for a considerable period I imagined I was at a special NHS owned house where the ongoing scenarios seemed so real that, on eventually becoming sane again, for days I still believed that it had all genuinely happened.
Over several days I visited and experienced a whole different world that didn’t actually exist. Whilst my partner, Mike, attempted to communicate with me, I imagined him to be a completely different person, the general boss and manager of the said house, with whom I would have daily interaction and conversation. I remember being incredibly worked up and worried about the fact that I had borrowed a golden coat owned by a staff member called Martin, without his permission, on my daily trips out of the hospital, and having to reveal my misdemeanor to the staff, in what felt like a Watergate level confession which I was certain would cause all the staff to hate me. It turns out I had not at any point left my hospital bed and Martin didn’t actually exist. Another clear memory is of being put in a room where there was a mass party in full swing and expressing to a passing nurse about how all these people didn’t want me there, further to being told by several of the party goers that they wanted me to leave, only for her to respond that there was nobody there.
As I started my slow entry back into the world of sanity again, I recall telling my confused, and probably concerned, partner and mother in law about a disturbing experience where I had been placed on a dark ward where I had seen several ghosts walk through a wall before having one of them stop to talk to me (complete in a dashing monks cowl outfit) in order to inform me in a sinister tone that it didn’t like me very much. Mike attempted to explain to me that none of it had actually happened, it was all an illusion as a result of the sodium deficiency, but I was having none of it. Adamant that it had all genuinely taken place.
My final experience was the weirdest of all…. I continued my slow ascension towards the full realisation of normality (although I still had a long way to go) and had been having a relatively lucid conversation with one of the nurses. As she walked off, I suddenly became enclosed by an hallucinatory cardboard Wendy house, complete with kitchen, painted walls, doors and windows. I couldn’t see anything past the walls, and recall having to tell a slightly bemused visiting medical team that they would have to come into my Wendy house, as I wasn’t actually able to see them. During this experience another delirious and confused patient called Dave was placed in the next bed. Dave, it seemed, found my Wendy house situation, along with my ongoing commentary to the staff about it, understandably hilarious. As the staff assured me that this kind of stuff happened ‘all the time’ and told me not to panic, Dave continued to be amused by this weird scenario within which I found myself. Suffice to say that, clearly still not fully compos mentis, I took exception to this and me and Dave fell out. As I finally came back to the land of reality on waking up the next morning my partner delighted in telling me about how the staff had regaled him with amusing tales about mine and Dave’s little conflict, and an ongoing argument conducted from our hospital beds where we continued along a neverending maze of confusion and misunderstanding which culminated in me putting two fingers up at him and telling him to f&*k off. Poor Dave, he was just as demented as I was, if not more so.
What happened to Dave, I have no idea.
What happened to me? I finally regained my full marbles and learned to accept that most of the weird incidents that had taken place over those few days had not actually happened, before texting my mother in law to reassure her that I was a fully functioning and mentally stable individual once more.
I will never look at filtered tap water in the same way ever again.